Should I drop my friends 1


  1. 08.12.2018, 12:08#1
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    how to deal with "friends" who let you down for no reason?

    Hello everybody,

    Question to you: How should you deal with alleged "friends" who keep telling you that you are the best friend and then drop someone overnight without causing any trouble? Simply because you are no longer interested in the relationship or have even let yourself be convinced by your wife?

    I just have the problem that I can't let go of people like that, they are constantly circling in my head, permanently.

  2. 08.12.2018, 18:03#2

    Hello Luke,

    Letting go usually also means breaking off contact. Do you mean this?
    You can then no longer deal with friends at all, just see how you deal with them yourself.

    I experienced it overnight when a friend met a man. It's unpleasant when you realize that you were just filling the gap. But somehow still understandable.

    What I find worse is a creeping retreat for no apparent reason. They are no longer invited to be informed about activities. The hesitant behavior when you propose something yourself, the only superficial topics at meetings ... non-binding.

    I've already seen a lot and today I only speak of acquaintances, with one or two exceptions. I no longer carry my heart on my tongue, I stay on the surface myself. Perhaps this is the best protection.

  3. 08.12.2018, 19:15#3

    Hello Luke,

    if there are people whose friendship is important to you and I assume that if you say you can't get it out of your head, I would ask them for a conversation and let them tell you in private what the reasons are, which is why they no longer want to be in contact. That could certainly help you to understand and let go. Or there is a misunderstanding of what you / you can get out of the world. Because if you have not only imagined that you are good friends, then there must be a reason to withdraw.

  4. 08.12.2018, 21:19#4

  5. 08.12.2018, 21:47#5
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    Some are only friends because they spend a lot of time together, for example when they go to work together and have something to do with each other at work. But if he says you are best friends, then the friendship should be solid.

    Maybe it's because of high expectations, everything is great, until, for example, something comes along that tarnishes the picture, then you can lose that status or someone else gains your favor, which then makes you your new best friend.

    Shortly after the dawn of the millennium, my ideas about friendships and best friends began to crack. That coincided with social media and the not exactly deep friendships, but the current and last generation seem to be clearly more self-centered. On Facebook you add a lot and if you don't want to have anything more to do with a person, you ignore or block the person. This can be due to upheavals, the increasing degree of individualization can contribute to it. I can still remember children playing in playgrounds. Today, employment is digital.

    Since I no longer believe in "best friends", I wouldn't be surprised if someone broke up the best friendship. Therefore, I would neither be disappointed nor worry about it much. The reason the best friendship ends can only marginally have to do with you.

  6. 08.12.2018, 22:20#6

    Quote by a_user
    Since I no longer believe in "best friends", I wouldn't be surprised if someone broke up the best friendship. So I would neither be disappointed nor worry about it much. The reason the best friendship ends can only marginally have to do with you.
    I feel the same way.
    Maybe friendships should be seen more pragmatically.

    Years ago, it was in 2009, 2010, an acquaintance told me that she only make friends with someone who "brings her something". By that she meant someone who can help her with things like it is practical to know a car mechanic or a tax advisor privately. That repelled me at the time and I always kept my distance, because I quickly noticed that she only contacted me when there was something I could lend her or where I should help.

    I thought about it later. She is not entirely wrong. Although I don't think about the material as much as I think they do. But in some way the friend should enrich one's own life. And be it that he has traveled a long way and can tell about it, or because he cheers up people well, or because he can listen well when you need someone who can listen to the same breakup story 5 times.
    I, on the other hand, had repeated acquaintances in which I invested, but had no "added value" (sounds stupid, I can't think of anything better). For example, I am tired of always explaining things to others, but not being explained anything by them. If I tell someone, for example, how to cut an apple tree, then it would be nice if I could learn something from the other person in return, for me how to darn socks. But often I was always the one who brought this added value to the other.

    It is precisely these people that I very easily release from my life. I no longer make new acquaintances of this kind. I no longer see my job as doing good to others. I also want to experience good things myself.

    And yes, the end of a friendship only has to be marginal, or even nothing to do with you. For many, having someone to have sex again is enough to cut off all other contacts.

  7. The following 2 users thanked Physalis for the useful contribution:

    ein_user (December 8th, 2018), Malembe (December 9th, 2018)

  8. 08.12.2018, 22:21#7

  9. 26.12.2018, 19:02#8

    Quote by Luke2990
    Hello everybody,

    Question to you: How should you deal with alleged "friends" who have kept telling you that you are the best friend and then drop someone from one day to the next without causing any trouble? Simply because you are no longer interested in the relationship or have even let yourself be convinced by your wife?

    I just have the problem that I can't let go of people like that, they are constantly circling in my head, permanently.
    Hello Luke,

    there is not much you can do except accept it. It is more than ugly, but it cannot be changed. There are people who talk a lot when the day is long. You can then see whether they actually mean that or whether they live in the future. And some friendships only last for a certain time in a certain phase of life.
    Really deep friendships, people with whom you are very connected. Such friendships often last for many years, even if you have moved away or other events, there were times with little contact. However, it is the connection that sometimes leads to more contact or when you have this again it is as if there has never been a great distance or time with little contact.

    What can you do against the thoughts circling? Everyone deals with it differently. Accept it that it is right now and maybe not take it too personally. There wasn't a fight or anything, so maybe it has more to do with them than you.

    With some people you walk a small piece of life, with other people a long journey. This is life.