Parents should buy cars for their children
Mother won't let me buy a new car (cultural conflict in parent-child relationships)
Communicating with and maintaining a good relationship with your mother is important to you. Therefore, if you have a disagreement, it is important that you consider the opportunities behind your mother's objection when you bring her up.
My parents grew up during the Great Depression, and that was the backdrop for many of their attitudes toward money. since I didn't, mine were different from hers.
Given your financial independence (as you said, you don't have to follow your mother's advice), her advice is important because of your relationship with her. So, considering why she feels this way - beyond the reasons given - it might be of use.
Since she is now financially dependent on you and likely never will be independent, it is possible that with a major purchase she may actually be concerned about her own future financial security. Expressing this fear and addiction directly is not comfortable for anyone, so it may take this form.
If this is the case, and especially because she has not put you under much financial pressure, you can reassure your mother that this purchase is within your means and your (or implicitly her) financial security in no way at risk so she can let go if she tries to talk you out of it.
[S] he thinks because she is my mother she still has the right to tell me what to do (including how to spend my money). So the question is, how can I lead an independent life and still be good with her when she thinks that way (which in my opinion comes partly from her personality as a strong mother and control freak and partly from her the world from which she is comes).
If it goes deeper than your own financial fears, then you have to make a decision: give in to her pressures to feel respected and obeyed, or use her to set new limits on where you can make your own financial decisions, but you keep showing Respect for them in ways that are healthier for you (and possibly both of you).
How you and your wife spend should ideally be your own choice, but life is seldom ideal. It is clear that you love and respect your mother. If obedience If respect is an integral part of your culture, it will be difficult for you to do so. Unfamiliar with the culture, this is what I can best offer: Continue to show your respect in all ways that do not involve blind obedience. If you obey her, let her know you are doing it because you respect her opinion (but that obedience is different from respect.) If she disagrees and you disagree, remind her that you respect her, and point out The way you show it and do what you think is best (and maybe all of you?). It may not be enough for her, but that will be hers to deal with.
The choice is yours and it seems like a challenge. Good luck.
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