Why is it important to give time

The quality time lie: Why time together is so important for families

Time - why it is valuable wherever for families in particular

I usually like to leave the provocative topics to other bloggers. But what my friend said almost casually a few weeks ago has not let go of me ever since.

We talked about how important but also difficult it is as parents to always take time for each other.

What happens to relationships when there is no time?

“We just drifted apart.” In a separation, this is often the sum of what has become of love, security and trust over time or through lack of time.

Sure, in reality the whole thing is far more complex. I span the range to couple relationships, because my girlfriend then dared the mental leap into the family.

Adults can get out of broken relationships - but children ?!

We adults may get divorced if the relationship stops working. When arguments, frustration and emotional injuries take over.

No, they often just have to put up with it! Quarrel, frustration, rebellion and charged emotions would be understandable, right?

Relationship instead of upbringing - is there something to it after all?

Honestly; whenever in the last few years I used the promising slogan "Relationship instead of upbringing“I was mentally out of luck. Because even if it is important to us to be on an equal footing. I would like to pass on certain values ​​and rules to our children. No, we are definitely not uneducated.

I think the problem is ours Parenting alone shows that there is not even a decent verb for what we do there every day. Even the verb 'bemuttern' has a very clearly negative meaning in German usage - in addition, it does not even appear in the masculine form.

And 'educate'? For me, linguistically, it falls into the professional group of educators and somehow can't keep up with the entire everyday family life.

Is that the relationship that so many counselors are talking about now? And why do more and more parents seem to have such great difficulties with it?

For me, relationship requires one thing above all - and that is time!

Let’s think about it again to the partnership relationship. An area in which most of us are certainly more experienced than we have experience with children.

When a relationship arises from facts

Do you remember the beginning of your partnership? If you really want to know everything about each other? What if you find some quirks adorable and even like to compromise? When you can just leave differences and start talking about the future together?

None of this happens casually. All of this is mostly part of a highlight that we call New German Date and that requires a lot of time and, above all, presence.

And our children - when do we really take the time to get to know them?

Especially when we consider how quickly and complex our children develop in the first years of their lives. When horses are great today and rock music is heard loudly tomorrow. What if your favorite sweater suddenly turns out to be “What kind of babies” and your best friend is just annoying ?!

The quality time lie

The Quality time myth is a child of the 90s and thus probably already hits our own childhood.

At the time, experts advised stressed parents that what matters is not how much time we spend with our children - but how we use the time. A phase in which, by the way, the toy and entertainment industry really discovered the target group parents for itself.

In addition to toys and activities that promise quality time, I also see one of the reasons why parents - including me - are so enthusiastic about educational concepts like Montessori and Waldorf today.

Because let's be honest. Nobody would even think of printing out the curriculum in their local kindergarten and embedding it in family life.

In Montessori pedagogy, however, we parents find a very objective approach to use the time with our children “meaningfully” - because it is productive, child-friendly and encouraging.

Quality instead of quantity - actually not a bad idea. But one who quickly loses its persuasiveness in human relationships.

Fun at the push of a button - that's possible

In the book "Living Simply with Children", Marie describes Sherlock so appropriately that people cannot enjoy the here and now at the push of a button. Often it just takes unstructured time - time to arrive, time to let yourself drift, and time to open your focus.

I inevitably have to think of an outing that my husband and I have planned for our children. How much time it took to pack and get there. And how the children ultimately had the most fun in a swimming pool. Which we in turn would have had with us in the resort in the bathing establishment - just without all the stress.

We parents often set the bar unnecessarily high. In the best case, on our own initiative - in the worst, because we think we have to "offer our children something".

Time, a real shortage

Time - a difficult topic, especially for parents of my generation. And I know how incredibly sensitive, emotional and just externally determined this topic is in reality. Even in my case, in which I am theoretically there for our children all day - I notice how little time there is actually to have time.

As of recently, it has been the school hours in particular that increasingly determine our everyday life and make time increasingly scarce.

Because in addition to school hours alone, our children need time: time for homework, for friends, for hobbies and to play freely.

On the one hand, time for the family is becoming increasingly scarce. On the other hand, the importance of a good relationship with parents and also with siblings is growing.

I notice how stressful it can be in everyday life not to “grow apart” with the children. Because how do we want to offer our children support and support when we suddenly don't even know where they are in life.

Suddenly, “relationship instead of upbringing” makes sense to me. Whereby “good relationship is loving upbringing” fits better in my case. Either way, it helps me to understand the time that I use with the children as something of importance.

But it also underscores the central role that time plays in all of our relationships. In the relationship with our partner and of course also for ourselves!

In search of more time - an attempt at a solution

Let's summarize. Families need healthy relationships - relationships take time!

Looking for a simple life

Time, it seems to be an absolute scarce commodity in our generation. In search of more idle, minimalism or our attempt to simplify life as possible helps me personally.

In the article “Why families in particular need minimalism”, simple questions provide the answers to the most effective possible introduction to the topic.

For more than six years, the book “Simplicity Parenting” has been a real gold mine for impulses in this direction.

The family therapist Kim John Payne - whom I really can't praise enough - clearly explains how families can make their lives easier.

With many years of professional experience, he explains what too much ballast - regardless of whether material or due to busy schedules - does with our children and ultimately with the entire family.

At the same time, however, it also provides many simple tips {read: toys that nobody needs} on how families can break the eternal cycle of "too much".

Finding family time is definitely not easier, but it is definitely one of the best steps we can take for ourselves and our children.

For strong relationships and strong children who at some point have to consciously find time for us, their parents.

Are you looking for inspiration that will make everyday life as a family easier and more beautiful? Then you are exactly right here! On my blog you will find simple ideas on how you can create valuable family time together. Undogmatic, easy & good!