Revenge is the best vengeance

Revenge: Why vengeance takes revenge

Thoughts of revenge are all too human. We want to get back on others and compensate for injustice (at least as far as we feel) revenge is the subject of numerous dramas. A first indication of the harmful nature of revenge, as dramas rarely end well for everyone involved. Nevertheless, many cannot resist. Revenge is known to be sweet and the prospect of satisfaction too tempting. That may be understandable, but it is not wise. Because vengeance takes revenge - especially on ourselves ...

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

Causes and Reasons: Why do we take revenge in the first place?

Who is upset seeks revenge. This can be seen in many places. Children annoy playmates back, colleagues take revenge for nasty comments from other employees, partners punish misconduct with withdrawal of love and rejection. The question remains: why do we need revenge?

A common reason for revenge is that pure angerthat grabs us. If we feel unjust and badly treated, anger grows and can even turn into sheer hatred. This results in the desire to pay back the other person with the same coin and to harm him.

That too can cause vengeance Sense of justice be. It's hard to ignore an injustice. Especially when your own ego is scratched. With the need for justice one feels better, the respect for oneself increases and we make it clear (to ourselves and to others) that we will not put up with everything.

Revenge can also be used as a show of power. People take revenge to show the other: I can do much worse to you than you can to me. There is usually a deep one behind it emotional hurt.

Last but not least: Revenge is sweet - at least from a neurological point of view. Scientists from the University of Zurich have shown that the reward center in the brain is active when there is a thirst for revenge.

A desire for revenge betrays a narcissistic insult

But revenge is dangerous. It is not just a reaction to noticed injustice, but often nothing more than one narcissistic damage and thus a sure indication of hurt vanity and a swollen ego.

Some people affected even tend to furious vendettas. Fatal!

Much more often, however, revenge in the job uses passive forms. The proverbial knife in the back is (luckily) a rare exception. Die for it Victim of revenge The death of a thousand pinpricks is all the more common: They are ignored, ignored, disinformed and their reputation is deconstructed piece by piece.

Certainly, in terms of external effects, this tactic is better for the vigilantes than direct vengeance always seems petty and weak. Ultimately, nobody wants to give the impression that what the other has done to them would really affect them. With the Hero attitude it would be over then. Anyone who wants others to follow him always needs an aura of strength and invulnerability. Even if everyone who is reasonably gifted secretly knows that it is just that: an aura. Artificially at that.

Revenge harms: Disadvantages of lust for revenge

With revenge you want to harm another. In the extreme case physically, mostly the attacks are not aimed at physical, but psychological well-being. What is not considered: Revenge hurts you most of allas shown by the following disadvantages:

  • Your career is suffering

    Responding to injustice at work with revenge? Not a good idea! Anyone who is prone to feelings of revenge or even sabotage in their employment relationship only harms themselves. A study showed that anyone who tries to get back on others harms their motivation and career. At some point, those affected are so eaten up by their anger that they resign themselves (internally) or are even given notice. The performance drops, those affected make less effort, come more often too late, make more mistakes. Others notice this, and at some point the boss too.

    Effect: The reputation deteriorates, warnings follow - until termination. Interesting: men are more prone to revenge than women.

  • They are worse off in the long run

    Revenge should bring satisfaction and satisfaction. We want to feel good after showing it to the other. Such an effect occurs at first, but studies show that after a short time, revenge leads to you being more dissatisfied than before. Various experiments have shown that subjects who took revenge later tended to have more anger and more negative thoughts.

    The thoughts of revenge mean that you deal with negative things for much longer, continue to be annoyed about the trigger and even doubt whether the bill has really been paid. You cannot detach yourself from the subject and suffer for a long period of time.

  • You will regret it later

    While vengeance is planned in most cases, act in a charged emotional state. Injured pride and anger may leave you making decisions that you will later regret. Taking revenge on the unjust boss can not only cost you your current job, but in the worst case it can have consequences for your entire career.

    Bridges that have been torn down in revenge can no longer be built once the waves have smoothed out. This is even more true of relationships. Anyone who pays back a misconduct by their partner twice or three times wrecks more than they might want.

  • You start a cycle

    They have been wronged and return the favor with an act of revenge. The original culprit will not let this sit on him and will in turn take revenge on you ... Vengeance can set an endless cycle in motion until one of the participants has the size to interrupt it.

    Particularly problematic: the intensity increases with every act of revenge. Each new action must surpass the previous one, causing even greater damage. A spiral that quickly gets out of hand.

Tips: Good alternatives to revenge

Everyone knows feelings of revenge and the desire to get back on others. The attitude of the English statesman and philosopher is wiser Francis Bacon brought to the common denominator:

He who takes vengeance is no better than his enemy; but if he does without it, then he is superior to him.

Big words that unfortunately are not easy to implement. To help you, here are a few alternatives for revenge:

  • Become immune to attacks

    Why take revenge when you couldn't care less about the attacks? With more composure and greater self-esteem, you can become immune. If others fail to really upset you and shake your self-image, you have no reason to think about revenge.

  • Look for open conversations

    Do you feel attacked and hurt? Then do not plan your revenge, but seek the conversation. Describe your feelings, give the other person the chance to explain yourself. In this way, a problem can be eliminated straight away - or you can tell that it is time to turn your back on the other.

  • Ignore provocations

    Taunts and provocations can be used specifically to provoke a reaction. In other words: the other person wants you to get upset and think about revenge. Do not enter into such a game. Show no desire for revenge, but the cold shoulder. Ignore the attacks and demonstrate that you sincerely do not care about the other person's attempts.

  • Find another valve

    Revenge can be an outlet to reduce anger. You can achieve the same effect with better alternatives that have fewer disadvantages. The classic is sport. Here you can literally train your frustration away. It is also possible that you and your partner or good friends laugh heartily at the cause of the anger.

  • Have great success

    We also enjoy the balm of retribution when we get back on our feet after suffering injustice and are better off than before. “The best revenge is massive success,” Frank Sinatra once mused. In our imagination, the plan to wipe ourselves out later failed. The first defeat turns into a late victory - but only if we are sure that the culprit knows how well we are.

  • Forgive the attacker

    Forgiveness is perhaps the best revenge you can take. This is how you show true greatness and mental strength. They do not let themselves down to the level of the other, but stand above the attacks. Without a vengeance counterattack, you can show who will come out stronger from the dispute.

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23 May 2019Author: Jochen Mai

Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.

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