What truths did your parents teach you?
Are parents allowed to lie?
Lies have short legs. But in many families it is mainly the parents with the long legs who keep teasing. You get square eyes from a lot of television and a crooked posture makes your back hunch, explain parents. Santa Claus brings the presents, mom says on the phone that she is sick just because she doesn't feel like visiting grandma. Dad secretly smokes and mom conspiratorially says to her son: "But we're not going to tell dad that the new sweater was so expensive."
Children are told that lying is forbidden. Although parents tell their children that lying is indecent, they ift completely different standards for themselves. In English there is even a term for parents who are constantly telling the falsehood, the so-called "Pinocchio parenting". Just like the little wooden doll, whose nose gets longer and longer when she tells the untruth.
For Anna Werner (39) such an attitude is impossible. The mother of two does not want to tell her children any myths, such as that spinach is particularly strong, or any other untruths. “I want to show my children that you can get on with the truth in life,” she explains. “If my daughter shows me a picture that I find really hideous, then I'm not lying to her. I don't say much then. But the more honest and correct comes the sincere praise. "
But how does she deal with difficult truths? “We don't tell anything about the rattle stork, but try to tell age-appropriate how it is. I would never hire an actor dressed up as Santa Claus either. Should a child ever ask me whether it exists or not, I would of course say that the story was just made up. "
Stefanie Juchheim (32) sees it differently. “I think it's nice when children believe in Santa Claus. And sometimes a bit of cheating has to be easy. ”When your four-year-old daughter is much too excited and tired, it is sometimes explained that the sandman has already come to an end. "My Jule doesn't like apples - but since I explained to her that we always take 'pancake sauce' with a little cinnamon with pancakes, she at least tastes applesauce."
Why don't parents tell their children the truth?
"Parents say to themselves: It looks like it could be dangerous, so let's try to get around it," says Ken Jennings, Author of the book "Because I Said So!", Which questions parenting lies. Parents wanted to protect their children in this way, according to his theory. The qualified psychologists Ute Erhardt and Wilhelm Johnen from Kreuzlingen deal with falsehoods in their book "If I'm honest, then I lie really well".
Lies are part of our life
explains the duo of authors. They are an important social skill that children should learn to master too. “Lying is a demanding job, it requires complex considerations, a good memory, creativity and a precise view of reality. The effort to lie as cleverly and spontaneously as possible should not be underestimated, ”write Erhardt and Johnen.
Lies have many functions, they both explain. Sometimes we use it to protect ourselves (“He actually means well”) and hide things that hurt us, sometimes they make everyday life easier (“Chocolate is all”) and sometimes they are necessary out of love (“Of course you are you are also beautiful with glasses ”).
With a good lie you can make yourself and your environment happier, according to the psychologists. Children are born liars, love to embellish little adventures, make up stories and, out of the desire to resolve conflicts, often resort to an obvious falsehood. In doing so, however, they often cannot even tell the difference between truth and lies. But for this children are criticized and punished. Quite unjust, because there is obviously a double standard.
There are good and bad lies, adults are allowed and sometimes even have to lie, but children are never allowed to lie.
Do we give our children a gift when we stimulate them well and creatively? Show you that it's okay to make yourself beautiful? Openly tell you that sometimes it's okay to cheat? That grandma’s cake looks gross, but that’s just not polite to say?
And isn't it also right that we praise our offspring for scribbling pictures and strangely shaped clay structures? Or is it better to only praise the child when they are really convinced, because otherwise they will think they are Picasso and will be disappointed later? Not an easy subject.
We are excited. What do you mean? Should parents always tell the truth? Say a few lies or are you allowed to lie to your heart's content if you are good at it? Join the discussion in the comments!
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