What makes a relationship end
Relationship at the End? 11 Signals That Your Relationship Is Soon To End
This decision is by no means an easy one. But maybe long overdue. Because many relationships fail before they have even started, others are given up much too soon. Eleven signs that your relationship is over.
The fact is: breakups hurt. Always. And even regardless of whether you are being abandoned or have left yourself. Even if a final stroke is the best and right decision, the pain is inevitable. Lovesickness has long since become more than just a mental ailment; it can also lead to physical ailments such as stomach pain, loss of appetite and other serious health problems. These are all facts. And all of this is also the reason why people find it so difficult to decide for or against a separation.
Many people prefer to hold onto a familiar misfortune rather than take the plunge into unknown happiness. Because the doubts are great. And justified. Don't throw in the towel lightly - but neither do you lose heart to go your own way. Here is the directional guide for relationship doubts: the eleven most important signs for the end of a love.
Common doubts: Breakups start in the head
It starts with a faint feeling in the stomach area, develops into a thick lump in the throat and finally becomes a recurring thought loop. There is talk of doubts about their partnership. Regular recurring uncertainty about the future of your relationship is a sign that you no longer feel safe and comfortable in your partnership. But be careful: don't be too quick to judge. Anyone who questions the relationship occasionally - perhaps after an argument - doesn't have to think about the end right away. Doubts are perfectly normal. Only when the concerns recur regularly and an increasingly intense, insecure gut feeling comes along should you take these unmistakable signals seriously.
Discontent: Frustration in relationships makes you in a bad mood
Those who are in love are exuberantly in a good mood. Those who live in a happy long-term relationship mostly feel satisfied. And if you live in a broken partnership, you can hardly feel in a good mood. A person's mood is a barometer of their well-being. Of course, occasional phases of bad mood also occur in harmonious partnerships, but unusually frequent depression is a sign of subliminal malaise. Observe your mind and clarify the source of your moodiness.
Disrespect: reproach instead of being in love
The pink and red glasses are not a permanent accessory to a relationship. Everyone knows that. But even without tinted glasses on your nose, you should recognize values and qualities in your partner that you value. On the other hand, if you observe that you are constantly nagging your partner (or the other way around), questioning their taste or abilities, or hardly trusting them to do anything, this is a sign of a lack of appreciation. No equal, loving relationship can exist without respect for one another. Take this sign extra seriously. Because in a relationship with low esteem, neither party feels comfortable - in the long term, even depressive moods and self-doubt can be the unpleasant consequence.
Different ideas about life: The foundation is crumbling
A relationship is like a house: it needs a solid foundation to last. The foundation of a partnership does not consist of solid concrete, but of matching ideas, values and goals, such as the desire to have children, career ideas or plans regarding the (shared) living situation. If there are significant similarities between the partners, the relationship is stable and will not be turned off its hinges by a passing storm. However, if the lovers' views and goals drift apart from the start, a long-term basis can hardly be created. In contrast to concrete, the foundation of a relationship is not immovable. Views and desires can change. As long as this change works in the interests of both parties, the foundation will remain stable. If, on the other hand, the views change differently, the possible end of the relationship draws closer.
One-sided planning: The sense of togetherness is missing
A relationship is the decision to be together. It is the feeling of unity that nourishes and strengthens couples emotionally. If you notice that decisions, plans and ideas for the future are made unilaterally, whether by you or by your partner, this is a clear alarm signal for a possible separation. Even if agreements are constantly broken, appointments are not kept or are simply forgotten, it is a sign that at least one of the parties is no longer showing sufficient commitment. Of course, the measure also determines the importance of the behavior here. Not every decision has to be made together in a relationship, the partner does not have to accompany every meeting with friends and appointments can sometimes be forgotten in the hectic pace of everyday life. However, basic directions should be followed together. In addition to planning a future together, this can also include leisure activities such as traveling or meeting friends.
Allegations: distrust as a warning signal
Trust is the invisible bond that connects two hearts. If this band is tightened too tight, something is wrong. Mistrust is basically a stressful factor that no relationship can endure in the long term. If distrust or excessive jealousy occurs in a relationship, the cause must be clarified. In addition to justified doubts, the emergence of distrust can also stem from the fact that the suspicious partner has come up with disloyal thoughts himself and only projects them onto his counterpart. "The rogue thinks as he is," is the popular saying. Examine the reasons for the suspicion and try to eliminate the problem. Otherwise, a lack of trust leads to disharmonies in the relationship and thus perhaps to its end.
No tenderness: dead pants in bed
Sex is part of a relationship like the amen in church. It is by no means the frequency of physical closeness that determines the quality of the relationship, but rather the longing as such. A relationship without sex is not a partnership between lovers, but rather a kind of friendship. However, don't worry too much if your bed is out of breath. Occasional lulls are normal. The emergence of routine in sex life is also not uncommon. The only important thing is that you still feel the physical attraction to your partner - also in the form of cuddles and other physical caresses. Then a lull in sex can also offer an opportunity to find a common solution to the problem. David Schnarch explains why bad sex is good sex.
Conflicts: quarrel and end?
Arguing is not nice. But quite normal. Anyone who quarrels with their partner should therefore not fear the end of the relationship right away. Nevertheless, it is important to remain vigilant. Because conflicts put couples at a crossroads: If differences of opinion are resolved well and to mutual agreement, they can even intensify the relationship. Disputes then become hurdles that have been overcome together, which even allow the partnership to grow. Unresolved, recurring or escalating conflicts, on the other hand, should be taken seriously as warning signs.
Entanglements: Rational reasons predominate
Often times, over the years, couples don't just fuse on an emotional level. Jointly acquired property, children, financial entanglements of another kind or the amalgamation of family and friends chains couples together. Even if you'd rather go separate ways. When there are doubts about the relationship, it is worthwhile to reconsider whether the reasons for being together are perhaps based on purely rational arguments, convenience, or dependence.
Affairs: Relationships with third parties
It remains to be seen whether a single affair will ultimately fail a relationship. However, if a long-term affair develops, this very often marks the beginning of the end of the relationship. Couple relationships are based on a connection between two people, as soon as third parties have the chance to invade this intimacy, the alarm bells should go off. Where does the longing for another person come from? Can you arouse interest in your own partner again? And how does the couple deal with this conflict? Find answers to these questions in order to be able to judge objectively about the status of your relationship and to avert a possible separation.
Be honest: No more repressing
Man is skillful. He is a real magician, especially when it comes to dealing with unpleasant truths. Because if you want to find out whether you are really right in your relationship, you don't really need advice, just one thing: the courage to listen to your inner voice. Deep down, everyone has a gut feeling (albeit a subtle one) that tells you what is right. Intuition cannot be manipulated, but it can be overheard. To be honest with yourself is the hardest task in the world, but at the same time the greatest gift. Because if you manage to hear your inner voice and follow it, you will find the right path all by yourself. what are you waiting for? Listen to it!
Separation threatens: what to do?
The doubts are clear, the warning signs unmistakable, only the way out of the relationship dilemma is not discernible. What to do to avert a breakup. The main strategies:
+ Talking is gold: While it may seem awkward, it is important that the taboo topics of the relationship come up on the table. In order to be able to change something, one must first understand the problem. And understanding requires knowledge. Therefore, no conflict can be resolved without talking.
+ Searching for help: Often the conflict fronts are so hardened that we can no longer get any further together. In such cases it is helpful to get advice from a neutral and knowledgeable person. Psychologists, mediators or therapists help couples through crises. However, it is often less helpful to seek advice from a friend. People close to you may want to help, but because of the emotional interdependence, they often cannot be objective enough to treat the core of the problem fairly.
+ Do not give up: Anyone who gives up has lost anyway. Do not lose the courage and the will to fight for your relationship. Often times, how the relationship develops is a matter of attitude. Those who radiate displeasure will also reap displeasure. Approach the problem with optimism. Only those who have tried everything can be completely sure of their decision.
Text: Linda Freutel
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