What age is right for marriage
Separation beyond the age of 50 : Why so many people seek new happiness in old age
It could hardly be better formulated: "After more than thirty good and exciting years, we are today announcing our separation as a couple," wrote Susanne Klatten and still-husband Jan in a joint statement last summer. "We are going into a new phase of life in gratitude for the time together and in friendship."
This noble attitude of one of the richest women in Germany and her husband could only be found exemplary in the face of a trend that seems to be getting stronger and stronger: the late divorce. Of 153,500 marriages that ended before the divorce judge in 2017, 17.5 percent were divorced after 25 or more years of marriage, more than twice as many as in the early 1990s.
Thomas Gottschalk was completely up to date when he recently separated amicably from Ms. Thea after 43 years of marriage. Berlin's Governing Mayor Michael Müller has now also announced through his lawyer that he has separated from his wife. However, their silver wedding anniversary wasn't that long ago.
Boris Becker only managed nine years, separated from his second wife at the age of 50. Starting a new life beyond the age of 50 is attractive not only for men, but also for women who have been forced to remain in unhappy marriages for far too long due to a lack of income of their own. Sometimes such women were released from the death of their partner, then the friends would say: "After that, she really blossomed."
Especially with a good job and when children who have already left their studies, the woman can leave the apartment together with a clear conscience and start a new life. With men it is the cliché that after having lived through a midlife crisis, sometimes a so-called “Trophy Wfe” has to be found, a blond-maned woman with curves and other relevant attributes, with whom you can really impress your buddies.
Sometimes, however, the wooing for the younger woman only hides the fear of death, the indomitable longing to regain one's own youth.
There are plenty of prominent examples. And perhaps it is also a sign of emancipation that 46-year-old Heidi Klum has just married a woman, a much younger man, 29-year-old Tom Kaulitz. That has long been recognized by society. Especially since it is no longer the case that the woman is the victim. After breaking up with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt was said to be so sad in his early 50s that he needed sculpting therapy.
Vladimir Putin and his wife Lyudmila took a break from ballet in Moscow in 2013 to announce their separation after 30 years of marriage: “We practically never see each other. Everyone has their own leen, ”said the woman. This fate is particularly widespread in political circles. Bettina Wulff and Walter Kohl, among others, have written books about the challenges of living in a political household.
Overcrowded appointments even on weekends, thunderstorms of flashlights as soon as you appear in the theater or in a concert and an insatiable public interest in private life are not for everyone. Where the saying “opposites attract” helped to get together, the partner turns with horror when the inveterate politician's self-expression and collecting sympathy points has only just begun.
Sexual attractiveness between partners should only last an average of 4 years
Something like that ends in relationships in which both are professionals, as with Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni or Heiko Maas and Natalia Wörner. Oskar Lafontaine took a pragmatic approach. In his third and fourth marriage to Christa Müller and Sahra Wagenknecht, he married women who, with their own political careers, had to know exactly what they were getting into.
There are many reasons, even for ordinary people, to separate. The classic is of course an affair, but that is by no means the only possible reason. This is particularly evident in the increased proportion of marriages that were only separated decades after the wedding.
After so many years between the wedding and the final breakup, there were many seductions by the wayside, especially since there are studies that show that sexual attractiveness between two partners only lasts for four years on average. Then you have to work to ensure that your love life remains fulfilled. The New York couple therapist Esther Perel describes in her latest book "The Power of Affair" the changes in being together.
Thereafter, the marriage of two people for millennia was less the connection between two individuals than the strategic partnership between two families, "through which their economic survival was secured and social cohesion was promoted". The reward for fulfilling the marital duties was a feeling of security and belonging.
Love played a secondary role, might or might not arise over time. Only romanticism, the rise of individualism and the industrial revolution released marriage from this corset. Suddenly it was love that brought two people to the altar.
The new partner tailor-made from the Internet
But if it is only love in the sense of the dance of hormones, then the formula “Until death do you part” is difficult to adhere to. Social conventions kept divorce rates low until well into the 1960s. You just didn't do that, you gritted your teeth and stayed. The power of the churches, which was still significant at the time, may also have contributed to this. Like so many other things, the '68 revolution changed such customs and broke old taboos. For a while, good sex almost ranked above all feelings.
The digital revolution brought the next changes in mating behavior.
In the meantime, you can get your partner from the Internet in a customized manner. The relevant dating agencies clarify the last questions in advance in detail. Do you prefer to sleep with the window open or closed? We have the right thing for you!
What seems like a step backwards in the strategic partnership, just rethought for individual happiness, can actually hold up well. Examples get around in circles of friends. They lower the inhibition threshold, even beyond the age of 50, to strive for happiness with a long shelf life.
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